Bereavement practices
topic of interfaith forum

This story appeared in the Antelope Valley Press Saturday, April 19, 2008.
By LIANE M. ROTH Valley Press Staff Writer
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LANCASTER - Losing a loved one is hard for family and friends left to carry on. Religious beliefs and traditions can ease the pain for survivors but vary from faith to faith. About 50 people gathered April 7 at the Islamic Center of North Valley to hear panelists from various faiths speak about bereavement practices. Mourning customs in the Jewish faith differ from Christian observances, which differ from practices in the Muslim faith, and those differ from rituals observed by members of nontraditional religions such as Buddhism, Baha'i and the Aetherius Society . Bassam Hadaya , chairman of the Islamic Center and moderator for the event, introduced the panelists and asked each one to explain their religious beliefs, traditions and customs regarding the loss of a loved one. "Judaism is a religion of imperatives - presumptive or provisional absolutes," said David Hoffman , rabbi at Beth Knesset Bamidbar , a Reform synagogue. The "mitzvah" or "commandment" of burial dictates the deceased be buried in a plain brown casket as quickly as possible to allow the grieving process to begin for those left behind, Hoffman said. Everybody participates in the burial by shoveling dirt onto the casket, he said. "When you hear the thumping of dirt on the casket you realize this is it. When the casket or body is covered, you can begin to accept the separation from your loved one," Hoffman said. After the burial, mourners are consoled by members of the community, who will visit them for any portion of the next seven days - to sit "shivah," provide comfort and food, and allow families time to simply grieve. As a spiritual leader and teacher, Hoffman said his role in bereavement is critical. "As a rabbi, I try to get people to accept the departure of their loved ones and to get back into life," Hoffman said. "We are all going to die. One imperative is do not be over-occupied with your loss - don't over-mourn - do it in the right measure." Jeffrey Elmore , chaplain at Antelope Valley Hospital, said his vocation thrusts him into bereavement situations on a daily basis. "I see so many lives whose theology is blown to the wind when faced with dying," Elmore said. "You live your theology - which viewpoint you embrace. Your knowledge that you have works out somewhere." Elmore, a Christian, said there is a tendency to deny the grief mourners feel at the loss of a loved one. "People say, 'God took him or her,' " Elmore said. " 'He or she is in a better place' - certain people want to 'celebrate death' instead of facing it." People need to allow their grief and pain to come in order to accept the death, said Elmore. Christian customs do not dictate specific burial traditions or grievance periods, but Elmore said Christ's words and several other Bible verses provide comfort. "In the Gospel according to John, chapter 11, verse 14, Jesus told his disciples, 'Lazarus is dead' - we've got to say those words to accept death," Elmore said. "Christ did what he did to show where there is death there is hope." Master yogi George King established the Aetherius Society in 1955 after he achieved cosmic consciousness beyond this earth, said member Michael Scholey . King visited other realms, where he met masters like Jesus and Buddha who asked that he spread their teachings, Scholey said. "The prime law of God is action and reaction are equal, and everything flows from that," said Scholey. "One can never really die - we go on to other levels. We allow ourselves to die - you go from downstairs to upstairs - when you are rested, you continue." Members tend not to be so grieving about death, he said. "We are happy for the person and know when we die we will see that person on another realm. We celebrate that they have moved to another realm." People of the Islamic faith have a basic tenet, said Imam Omar Abdeen . "There is one God - a single God - God is one," said Abdeen. Muslims follow a framework for bereavement, according to Abdeen. "For most people - they fall ill with their families around them. It is a difficult and heart-wrenching time," Abdeen said. The deceased person is laid facing Mecca and certain prayers are recited when death occurs, he said. The body is buried as soon as possible. Important concepts must be followed, including settling all debts of the deceased, before burial can occur, said Abdeen. "After the burial there is mourning. We are allowed to mourn, but there is a limit - three days," Abdeen said. "The women cannot wear bright colors or any makeup. The community will come to offer condolences, and families will come together and visit with words of comfort and prayers of forgiveness." As for the dead, Abdeen said, Islam defines procedures for what to do with the body before burial. These includes washing the body from head to toe, wrapping the body in clean, white, scented linens and adhering to defined prayers. Muslims are wrapped in a shroud and buried in the ground without a casket, Abdeen said, following instructions from the Koran. Burial prayers are recited standing up and involve defined movements. A supplication verse from the Koran is traditionally recited - "We belong to Allah and truly to him shall we return," Abdeen said. In 1253 a monk in Japan clarified the way for everyone to become enlightened, said Michele Chavez , a longtime Buddhist. Prior to that time, followers of Buddha thought that how one lived was most important, Chavez said. "We will live again. How we live is based on the actions we take. That's how you will be reborn," said Chavez. After someone passes away, Buddhists hold a memorial service, Chavez said. Each person chants, places three pinches of incense on a burner and, after the chanting, talks about the deceased. Farivar Roshanian , chairman of the Spiritual Assembly of Palmdale, is a layperson in the Baha'í faith, which he said has no clergy. Followers believe in all the prophets, including Moses and Jesus, he said. "It is our premise that our reality is not of a physical being," Roshanian said. "Our soul is made in the image of God and is immortal." Baha'ís believe we go through physical life to become more like God - to learn and attain virtues - like a baby in the womb. "We attain the virtues of God for our next role," said Roshanian, "so we can become more godlike." The Baha'í religion is based on the teachings of Baha'u'llah, who taught there is only one God and one human family and that all faiths are spiritually united. The Baha'í faith teaches that death is not necessarily a sad thing, but rather the end of a journey, Roshanian said. "Grief is real when we deal with the loss of people we love - but hopefully we do not dwell on it. We pray for the soul, and our prayers can be a source of advancement to the next role. We don't believe in heaven and hell, but the spiritual condition means when we are closer to God we are closer to heaven, and when we are further away from God it is a condition of hell." During a question-and-answer forum following the panel discussion, audience members asked panelists about customs, rites, practices and belief systems.

lroth@avpress.com

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[some spending errors corrected]